Identity Thief Review

I'm fairly certain that I recently talked about the trend of January-February being the time of year that just dishes out absolute crap. Every year has a couple of exceptions (this year had Warm Bodies) but it's a pretty well known fact. I've already seen my fair share of horrendous atrocities that came out this year (see my review on Gangster Squad and A Good Day to Die Hard if you don't believe me) but nothing compares to the level of awful that is Identity Thief.

When I first saw a trailer for Identity Thief last year, I actually thought it might be alright. See, I didn't expect it to be good, but I expected it to be...tolerable. A few good laughs, but not a great flick. I mean, how could you go wrong with Jason Bateman and Melissa McCarthy in an over-the-top ridiculous comedy? Sadly, I now know that this combination is not the pure comedic gold that I once thought.

Let me be blunt about this: there is absolutely nothing enjoyable about this movie. I don't know where to start tearing this movie apart, because it was all just so awful. 

I guess I'll start with the least awful and go up. The direction in this movie was somewhere being "Oh god what am I watching?" and "Gouge your eyes out awful." And that's is putting it nicely. There was nothing enjoyable about the direction here. All of the scenes just looked so...staged? I know that seems like a silly thing to say, since it's a fucking movie and it is all staged. But it just didn't feel natural. Everything going on just looked and felt stupid. On a visual level, I hated every single second of this movie. It was even worse than your "typical" comedy style. I find it especially disappointing since I actually enjoyed his direction in Horrible Bosses and thought that film was very well done. Ugh, I feel like this review is only going to get more offensive...

I'm just gonna jump right into this one: the acting in this movie was god awful. Jason Bateman and Melissa McCarthy both phoned in their performances. I have always loved these two actors (mainly because of Arrested Development and Gilmore Girls, respectively) but those comedic geniuses did not show up for this movie. Both of them just showed up for their paycheck and did exactly what they were told, and read their unfunny lines. And that brings me to the worst part of the film...

So, the script. Where do I start with this flaming ball of garbage? Let's see: the plot is formulaic, the characters are static and unenjoyable, and the film has not one good joke. I don't mind that the plot was formulaic, because you can still come out with some major laughs and great characters in a comedy that follows a set formula. I think a great example of that is Due Date. No, that movie wasn't great, but it did have it's fair share of laughs and some characters you can identify with. This movie is just bland jokes for the entire 111 minutes. Oh, and can we talk about the fact that this piece of shit is nearly 2 hours?! Who thought that was a good idea? You have to have a really good story to justify a 2 hour comedy, and this film definitely did not. And can we just talk about how unlikable both characters are? Fuck that, I have to have someone I can root for, or at least enjoy. Even an anti-hero makes me feel better than these dumb fucks. I wanted them both to rot in jail by the end of this film. GOD!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To sum this up: don't see this movie. Don't even go if someone offers to pay for your ticket. Don't even go if they offer to pay for your ticket and give you 50 bucks. You tell them to go fuck themselves. This is undeniably the worst film I have seen so far this year, and might even be the worst film of 2013. Yea, I'm calling it early: this takes the shit cake. 

Writing: 0/10

Directing: 1/10

Acting: 2/10

Pacing: 2/10

Rewatchability: 0/10

Score: 1.0/10