Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters Review

January is notoriously known for yielding a lot of crap. Any movie fan knows that this phenomenon comes because of the end of Awards season. So, when I think I might want to see a movie coming out this early in the year, I approach that film with extreme caution. You might remember (if you actually read all my posts) that I've already had mixed luck with early 2013 releases, with Warm Bodies surprising me, A Good Day to Die Hard being awful, and Gangster Squad for severely underdelivering. With such a poor record, I expected this film to be just as terrible as it looked...if not worse. Weirdly enough, it was better than I ever imagined.

This movie takes the classic tale of Hansel and Gretel and puts a little twist on it. The fairy tale plays out very similarly to what we all know, but after they kill the witch...they become witch hunters. In this reality, they have been abandoned by their parents, so they are orphans with no where to go. They travel from town to town as bounty hunters. They save missing children from evil witches and get paid for it. That sounds like a great occupation, but I'm getting off topic. While this film doesn't have a phenomenal script, the dialogue is pretty bearably, and the story is actually very unique. Normally, I would complain about a rehash of something we already know, but the writer/director, Tommy Wirkola, put an interesting twist on the story to make it fun.

If I had to describe this film to someone in very few words, I would probably describe it as "campy Hansel and Gretel for adults." The camp comes mostly from the dialogue (especially what is said right before a huge action scene.) The "for adults" part is mainly due to the extreme language and ultra violence. I think that also kind of adds to the camp, because you are expecting this serious adaptation of a fairy tale, but you get a foul-mouthed, action-packed version instead. I can't believe how much I enjoyed the action. It was so over the top violent that it was awesome

I hope you notice that I'm not saying this movie is good so much as I'm saying it's better than expected. I still have a lot of problems with this movie. Clocking in at about 80 minutes, I feel like there is a lot of stuff that isn't explained. You are just presented with something and you go "ummm...what?" then just pretend it all makes sense. The direction in this film was kind of shoddy, and had a few of the "THIS MOVIE IS IN 3D" shots that always annoy me.

At first, I thought the acting in this movie was going to be atrocious. The first few lines of dialogue to come out of Jermey Renner's mouth were just so wooden and boring. I don't think I would have been able to deal with that for 80 minutes, but luckily it all got better. Don't get me wrong, these are no Oscar-winning performances, but they aren't bad at all. In this case, mediocrity prevails.

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I can honestly say that I was absolutely surprised by how much I liked this movie. I still can't say for sure if I liked it, but I definitely enjoyed it more than I ever would have imagined. The script was spotty, and the direction was lackluster, but it made up for that with decent acting and great action scenes. I wouldn't suggest rushing out to see this in theaters, but it's definitely worth a watch when it, inevitably, ends up on Netflix.

Writing: 5/10

Directing: 4/10

Acting: 5/10

Pacing: 7/10

Rewatchability: 4/10

Score: 5.0/10

A Good Day to Die Hard Review

Let me just preface this whole article by saying: I really enjoyed Live Free or Die Hard. I thought it was a great installment in the Die Hard franchise and was really fun. It wasn't as good as Die Hard, I mean, what is? But it was pretty close to the quality of Die Hard with a Vengeance. I even enjoyed Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. No, it wasn't a great movie, but it held true to the feel of the other two quality Indiana Jones films (I say two because Temple of Doom sucks.) Feel free to hate me for those two things if you want, but I hope you'll still read this review, or not...whatever you want.

When they announced they were making another Die Hard film, I was honestly kind of excited. I knew nothing about the plot or where it would go, but I knew that John McClane would get himself into some crazy shenanigans, as always. I knew he would say his class line, and I knew it would be badass. Sadly, I was completely wrong. 

This movie felt nothing like anything that defines the previous Die Hard films. I say that because, while the other four films feel different (except maybe 1 and 2, which have a similar feel/concept...but one of them failed) they carry a very similar theme throughout. The first three films showed that, while John McClane is completely badass, he is still human. They showed that he can do crazy shit, but he still gets hurt (usually physically, but also emotionally.) The fourth film started to stray a little from that, but kept close enough that I really didn't mind. It had a slightly ridiculous quality to it, but was still quite enjoyable. This movie was just John McClane being invincible. Nothing could stop this man. Man? I guess in this movie he felt more like a God.

Another thing that really distances this film from the previous set is the lack of a great main villain. Die Hard had Alan Rickman (HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANSSSSSS!), Die Hard with a Vengeance had Jeremy Irons, and Live Free or Die Hard had Timothy Olyphant. These movies all had really strong antagonists that Bruce Willis got to quip with and it just felt right. This movie just has a slew of nameless Russians that just suck. I think one of them is called "the Dancing man" or some shit. And there is some hot Russian lady. But really, they are all completely forgettable. 

This film had almost no story to it. I know you aren't supposed to complain about the story in an action movie (see The Expendables if you don't believe me), but I think a huge strength of this franchise has been the great story and dialogue. This movie didn't contain either. At a measly 90 minutes, this film was surely 75 minutes of pure action. I had absolutely no idea of any character motivation, or really any time to get to know the new protagonist. This movie was just a bunch of cheesy action scenes where John McClane and son run around with guns and defy certain death. Even McClane's signature line didn't feel right. I'm not surprised, seeing as how this script was written by the same guy that did X-Men Origins: Wolverine and Hitman. Chalk up another dud to Skip Woods. 

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This movie was absolutely horrendous and is a tarnish on the Die Hard franchise. All of the other films were really good action movies and paved the way for some of the more recent action franchises. This movie should never have seen the light of day, not with this awful script, shoddy direction, and campy acting. 

Writing: 1/10

Directing: 3/10

Acting: 4/10

Pacing: 7/10

Rewatchability: 3/10

Score: 3.7/10

Blog Ideas

So, I've been doing this blog for about two months now and I've been thinking of doing a few recurring blog posts similar to my "Rant of the Week." I have a few ideas in mind, which I'll talk about below, but I would also love some input from a reader's standpoint. If you have any ideas, feel free to comment or email me. I really don't want this site to just be able my infrequent movie reviews, if I can just write articles every now and that, it would make for a great chance of pace. So...here's what I've got so far.

My first idea came up because of my recently second viewing of Ocean's Twelve. I had a general disdain for this movie ever since I saw it back in 2004, but when I watched it this time around, I found that I actually enjoyed it. I'm not sure if the movie just aged well, or if my view of movies has just been altered from my more recently passion for cinema. Whatever it was, I feel like there are a lot of movies out there that I didn't enjoy the first time...but could enjoy now. So my idea is to do a "Second Chance" article now and again. This will pretty much be me rewatching movies that I didn't like the first time to see if my opinion changes. Then I'll write a little article about whether it changed or not, and why I think so. I think it could be kind of cool. A couple of ideas I already have for this one are: Donnie Darko, Boondock Saints, and Empire Records.

Another idea is to do an article in collaboration with someone. It wouldn't be the same person every time, but it would always be two people. The idea behind the article is for me to either a) watch a movie I've never seen before with someone who really loves the movie or b) watch a movie I love that they have never seen, then discuss. The article would pretty much be a back and forth conversation about the movie in question. I think it would be really cool because it would pretty much give a second opinion about the movie (since I know you all don't always agree with me.)

The third, and final, idea that I had was pretty much just a "Second Opinion" article. I would bring in someone else to write a recurring post pretty much disagreeing with something I've already reviewed. I think it's always good to get different standpoints on a single movie and see why different people enjoy different films. And if anyone would be interested in doing this, I would love the help. I almost treat my blog like my own little website, so I don't mind giving people permissions to help out on here.

So, that's about all I have ideas for, but if you have any ideas, or would be interested in helping out with future posts, feel free to comment or message me.

Academy Awards Wrapup

For those of you who missed the Oscars last night, I'm gonna talk about everything I enjoyed and all the stuff that completely pissed me off. If you followed my live tweeting, some of this might sound familiar. Don't worry, I'll try and make it sound exciting, I promise.

And the winners are...

Best Picture - Argo

I'm really glad I made the last minute decision to switch to Argo for this one. I originally thought that Lincoln had they better shot, as it had way more nominations (especially in the key Best Director slot.) But I decided that I shouldn't let the fact that Ben Affleck got snubbed sway my decision here. Argo was the better movie, and had the momentum to take it. And I'm glad it did. Ben Affleck gave such a great, emotional speech. I wish he could have given a similar one for Best Director. I was also really glad that George Clooney took his Oscar and didn't give a speech. He knew it was Affleck's time to shine and let him do it on his own. Very classy.

Best Director - Ang Lee for Life of Pi

I think most people know about my general distaste for Life of Pi (and if you didn't know, you probably found out last night during my live-tweeting frenzy.) To me, there was very little to like about this film, the score was lack luster and unoriginal, the acting was horrendous (especially Irrfan Khan), and the script was absolutely laughable. The only thing that was really stunning about this movie was the visuals. Ang Lee really deserved this award purely for the fact that he turned a shitty script into a beautiful film. I still think he should have conceited his award to Ben Affleck (how awesome would that have been?) but I knew that would never happen.

Best Actor - Daniel Day-Lewis for Lincoln

Just like everyone else in the world, I knew this was going to happen months ago (even Seth MacFarlane knew it. He wrote a fucking song about how Bradley Cooper was gonna lose.) That being said, it was probably one of my favorite acceptance speeches. I loved his quipping with Meryl Streep coupled with his heartfelt thank you to Abraham Lincoln. He is a beautiful man, and I can't wait to see him win for a fourth time.

Best Actress - Jennifer Lawrence for Silver Linings Playbook

J-Law (do people call her that?) seriously deserved this award. After watching her nail it in Winter's Bone and then be pretty awesome in Hunger Games, I knew she was gonna do something excellent in the future. It didn't take too long, either. Her performance in SLP was really impressive, and I can't wait to see her do more. Also, last night, she looked phenomenal. Two years ago she looked like a high class hooker (you don't hear me complaining), but this year she looked like a genuine movie star. Her dress was adorable, and she just looked like the deserved to be there. I was really upset when she fell down on her way to accept her award (but glad to see Wolverine was there to help out!) Her acceptance speech was especially cute because it really showed her age. She just came across as a 22 year old that just achieved one of her biggest dreams. She was seriously giddy, but still managed to remember to wish Emmanuelle Riva a happy birthday! Bravo, Ms. Lawrence.

Best Supporting Actor - Christoph Waltz for Django Unchained

There were very few categories that I was actually glad to be wrong about. This was definitely one of them. Tarnatino films have never been a huge hit at the Oscars with only a handful of nominations...and even fewer wins. As someone who fucking loved Django Unchained and thought it was the best movie of the year (see my Top 20 of 2012 if you forgot) I really wanted to pick Waltz to win. But, instead of going with what I thought was best, I went with the history of Tarantino's film getting snubbed, as usual. I've never been so glad that I was wrong.

Best Supporting Actress - Anne Hathaway for Les Miserables

I honestly don't have any more to say about how fucking awesome Anne Hathaway was in this movie (and is in general.) I really wish she wasn't married. Grrrrrr.

Best Original Screenplay - Quentin Tarantino for Django Unchained

Another of those few that I was glad to be wrong. Tarantino lost three years ago for, debateably, his greatest script ever. So, when he was up against the same guy that beat him for Inglourious Basterds, I forsaw a horrible recurrence of events. Thank god I was wrong. Tarantino totally deserved this. His characters are always so deep and well thought out. The dialogue is always so clever and eloquent. This man is a genius and I am so glad to have lived through his impeccable career. I can only hope he wins another one before he retires (and by 'retire' I mean 'dies in a directors chair...on set.')

Best Adapted Screenplay - Chris Terrio for Argo

I'm neither happy nor upset about this one. I think Argo was a better movie, and had a great script...but I thought Tony Kushner was the better choice. His script for Lincoln was really quite impressive. It's really hard to write a period script, especially when the subject matter is slightly bland. But Kushner put together a script that was so excellent that I felt completely immersed in the entire film. I knew it was gonna be between Kushner and Terrio, and I'm not surprised Terrio walked away with it.

Best Animated Feature - Brave

Seriously? This is how I think the Academy voters' thought process went: "Well...Pixar made a movie that wasn't awful...so...let's go with that one." I thought of the entire bunch of nominees, Brave was the 2nd worst. I say 2nd because Frankenweenie was a catastrophe. But that is besides the point. ParaNorman and Wreck-It Ralph were far superior films and either one deserved the award before Pixar's sub-par Brave.

Best Foreign Film - Amour

I think this is best summed up by my tweet from last night: "I still don't quite understand. Amour is an Austrian film with...French actors...and a French title...and in French?"

Best Cinematography - Claudio Miranda for Life of Pi

Alright, I understand that I said that Life of Pi had great visuals. And while cinematography is general associated with gorgeous films, but I think that Life of Pi's beauty came mostly from it's visual effects department and the excellent director at the helm. I'm not saying Miranda didn't do well...I just think that most of the other people nominated did better, especially Deakins. I really can't believe he hasn't won an Oscar yet. 10 nominations and no wins? COME ON! Skyfall was one of his best contributions (after Shawshank Redemption and Fargo) and he still lost. I no longer have faith in humanity.

Best Editing - William Goldenberg for Argo

Anyone who knows a lot about the Oscars knows that the Best Editing award is has the highest correlation with the Best Picture winner. So, how could I not pick Argo here when I picked it for Best Picture?

Best Production Design - Lincoln

I still think that Anna Karenina had the Best Production Design. But I really don't think anyone saw it. So I went with the next best thing: Lincoln. Awesome stuff right there.

Best Costume Design - Anna Karenina

This is pretty much people going: The dresses looked good in the trailers...so let's vote for that.

Best Hair and Makeup - Les Miserables

REALLY?! Last I checked The Hobbit had a bunch of fucking uniquely different dwarves that all had ridiculously awesome beards (last I checked, those were hair) and great prosthetics (ummm...makeup?!) HOW DID IT NOT WIN?! Seriously, the only other movie that even slightly deserved the win was Lincoln (which wasn't nominated.) So fuck you Academy. Don't you dare wait and just honor the trilogy at the end, like you did with the LOTR trilogy.

Best Original Score - Mychael Danna for Life of Pi

Alright, this is just bullshit. I thought that the Life of Pi score was really lackluster. I also thought the Lincoln score wasn't special, as Williams could have done much better...but it was still better than this piece of shit. Come on, please show some respect to the people that put out phenomenal scores that actually enhanced the viewing experience like Desplat, Newman or Marianelli!

Best Original Song - Adele for "Skyfall" from Skyfall

Remember when "Rolling in the Deep" was on the radio every 10 seconds and you wanted to gouge your eyes out? Well, I definitely do. I wanted to hunt down Adele and strangle her. Now, I can't get enough of her. She looked absolutely stunning in her dress on the red carpet, then wow-ed me with her excellent performance of "Skyfall" THEN gave a very humble and beautifully genuine acceptance speech. She was one of the best parts of the show last night. Everything she did just stood out to me.

Best Sound Mixing - Les Miserables

Two words: live singing.

Best Sound Editing - Skyfall and Zero Dark Thirty

Wait...are you serious? A tie?! This is the sixth tie in Oscar history. So that's pretty damn impressive. Both films completely deserved it, and they were my top two choices, haha.

Best Visual Effects - Life of Pi

RICHARD PARKER! BAM! WIN!

Best Documentary Feature - Searching for Sugar Man

Best Documentary Short - Inocente

Best Animated Short - Paperman

Best Live Action Short - Curfew

Alright, now let me talk about a few of the non-reward related stuff that I noticed.

I guess I should start with the biggest part of the show: the host. I thought that Seth MacFarlane did a bang up job. He toed the line between offensive and upstanding quite well. I loved his opening dialogue with William Shatner, and his songs with Theron/Tatum and JGL/Radcliffe. MacFarlane had some great one liners throughout the show and never let his presence be forgotten (like so many hosts before him.) I'm quite surprised by how much I liked him as the host, and I hope he comes back for another awards show. He almost reminded me of a tamer (but still offensive) Ricky Gervais.

A few other things that stood out, in no particular order: Quvenzhane Wallis being adorable the whole night, especially after she was announced as Best Actress nominee. Then the complete opposite, with Joaquin Phoenix looking completely disgusted when he was announced as Best Actor nominee. Bradley Cooper and Hugh Jackman both running to Jennifer Lawrence's rescue when she fell. Shirley Bassey singing Goldfinger. Robert Downey Jr being the only person to clap at the Rihanna/Chris Brown joke. Samantha Barks looking fucking smoking hot on the red carpet. Russell Crowe ruining the Les Miserables medley. People not being able to shut up about Chicago (seriously, that movie wasn't that great.) And there is probably a lot more that I'm forgetting.

So, what did you guys think of the Oscars? Think MacFarlane was too offensive/sexist (cuz if you did, then you must hate me)? What awards were you pleasantly surprised about and which ones made you want to punch a small child? Leave some comments and let me know. (Or you can just comment and tell me how much my live tweeting irritated the fuck out of you.)

Final Predictions

Since the Oscars are tonight, I want to lock in all my predictions. I went back and watched a couple of the films in the last few days to see if any of them would change my opinion, and I've read a lot of articles about what movies should win, and I think all of this information has swayed me on a few categories. Don't worry, this won't be a long article, I will only talk about it if my prediction changed. Let's get started.

Best Picture* - Argo. After watching the movie again today, and looking back on all the awards it won (Best Picture at the Golden Globes, SAGs, BAFTA's and Critics' Choice, as well as a slew of Best Director wins for Affleck.) I no longer think the snub in Best Director will effect it's chances at best picture.

Best Director* - Steven Spielberg for Lincoln

Best Actor - Daniel Day-Lewis for Lincoln

Best Actress* - Jennifer Lawrence for Silver Linings Playbook

Best Supporting Actor - Tommy Lee Jones for Lincoln. (Though I'd rather see Waltz take it home.)

Best Supporting Actress - Anne Hathaway for Les Miserables

Best Original Screenplay* - Mark Boal for Zero Dark Thirty (I'd still rather see Tarantino win.)

Best Adapted Screenplay - I'm really torn between Argo and Lincoln still. It's a coin flip for me, so I'm going with Lincoln.

Best Animated Feature - Wreck-It Ralph. It's the only one I loved, and I just can't bear to think about the other ones winning.

Best Foreign Film* - Amour

Best Cinematography - Roger Deakins for Skyfall. I don't care if I'm wrong, I just really want him to win.

Best Editing - William Goldenberg for Argo.

Best Production Design - I want to say Anna Karenina, but I don't think enough people saw it. So, I'm going with Lincoln.

Best Costume Design - Anna Karenina.

Best Hair and Makeup - The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

Best Original Score - Alexandre Desplat for Argo

Best Original Song* - Adele for "Skyfall" from Skyfall

Best Sound Mixing - Les Miserables (almost entirely due to the live singing.)

Best Sound Editing - Skyfall. This tends to go to action-y/loud movies. When you look back at the movies that won (Inception, Hurt Locker, Dark Knight, and Bourne Ultimatum) you can see that Skyfall has a great chance of taking this.

Best Visual Effects - Life of Pi

Best Documentary Feature* - Searching for Sugar Man

Best Documentary Short* - Open Heart

Best Animated Short - Paperman

Best Live Action Short* - Curfew

So, that's it. I hope I get at least half of them right. This is a great year for nominations. Most years by the day of, a majority of the categories are easily predicted, or down to two frontrunners. This year, there are only a few categories that are 100% locked (Best Actor and Best Supporting Actress.) Oh, and if you were wondering, the asterisks mean that I haven't seen all the movies nominated in that category. 

85th Academy Awards Predictions

So, it's that time of year again. Time for my annual Oscar predictions. What I'm going to do is tell you the nominees then tell you who I think deserves to win, then who I think will win. Don't be surprised if I mention some people who weren't nominated (coughBenAffleckcough.) Well, without further ado, here are my educated guesses for this Sunday.

Best Picture

Amour
Argo
Beasts of the Southern Wild
Django Unchained
Lincoln
Les Miserables
Life of Pi
Silver Linings Playbook
Zero Dark Thirty

What deserves to win: While I personally would love to see Django Unchained take home this award, I don't think that it is the overall best film here. It isn't something that can be loved universally by all, so I don't think it quite deserves the award. That being said, I think Argo is definitely the best film in the bunch. This movie just nailed it in every regard: phenomenal script, perfect ensemble, and superb direction. The only movies on this list that come close to that same level of excellence are Lincoln and Silver Linings Playbook. Which brings me to my next point...

What will win: I thought that Lincoln was a sure lock to win best picture when I saw it in November, then I saw Argo (albeit a little late) and thought it was the best contender to take down the behemoth that is Lincoln. I never expect David O. Russell's Silver Linings Playbook to come into the mix like this. Yes, I thought the movie was great, and would say it was more enjoyable than Lincoln, but I didn't expect the Academy to have such a hard-on for this movie. The fact that De Niro, Weaver and Russell all scored noms makes me think that this film has a definite chance of winning big at the Oscars. But I still don't know if it can edge out Spielberg's Lincoln. So I'm gonna stick with my choice from three months ago and say that Lincoln will win.

Best Director

Ang Lee, Life of Pi
Benh Zeitlin, Beasts of the Southern Wild
David O. Russell, Silver Linings Playbook
Michael Haneke, Amour
Steven Spielberg, Lincoln

What deserves to win: I'm sure you all know what I'm going to say here, so let me make this brief. Ben Affleck clearly deserves this award. Fuck the academy for snubbing him. And even worse, then snubbed Bigelow, who I thought had the best chance of stealing the award from him. The best director this year was definitely Ben Affleck, and if you disagree with me, then we will have words. And by words, I mean I'm gonna beat your face in.

What will win: Sadly, I think the statue will be going to Steven Spielberg for Lincoln. Don't get me wrong, the direction in this movie is great, but I don't think it is Spielberg's best effort, and it doesn't hold a torch to either Affleck or Bigelow. I also wouldn't be surprised if Russell comes in and steals this one since no one knows who to vote for. A lot of votes could get wasted on Lee, Zeitlin or Haneke and pave the way for Russell to upset. But that's not how I see it going, I say Spielberg takes home his third Best Director Oscar.

Best Actor

Daniel Day-Lewis, Lincoln
Denzel Washington, Flight
Hugh Jackman, Les Miserables
Bradley Cooper, Silver Linings Playbook
Joaquin Phoenix, The Master

What deserves to win: If you had asked me two weeks ago, I would have said Day-Lewis deserves it and will win it. Then I saw The Master. Holy ass-fuck was Joaquin Phoenix good! I always thought that Pheonix's best performance would forever be the creepy father-murdering, sister-fucking dude in Gladiator. I guess I was wrong. This is definitely his greatest performance, and I doubt that he will ever top it. Too bad it had to come this year...

What will win: ...because Daniel Day-Lewis is totally going to win. There is no doubt in my mind that he won this award. It's a combination of the film that he was in (which was clear Oscar bait) and the fact that he isn't an arrogant asshole who goes around talking about how award shows suck. If Pheonix were less anti-Oscars, he would probably be in the running to win this thing, but because he is a prick about it Day-Lewis is  taking it home.

Best Actress

Naomi Watts, The Impossible
Jessica Chastain, Zero Dark Thirty
Jennifer Lawrence, Silver Linings Playbook
Emmanuelle Riva, Amour
Quvenzhané Wallis, Beasts of the Southern Wild

What deserves to win: This is really hard because, like everyone else, I think that Chastain and Lawrence both deserve it. Can they split the award? Wasn't there legit a tie once? Like...Katharine Hepburn and someone else. I'll have to look it up and edit this later, but I think that happened. Can we make that happen again? I really loved both of their performances, but for completely different reasons. If I had to say one deserved it more, it would probably be Chastain, just because she carried the entire movie on her back. I'm not saying everyone else was bad in the movie, but she really was the shining star in there.

What will win: I have to say that Lawrence will edge out Chastain here. I really think that the boner that the Academy has for Silver Linings Playbook will help her out and get her the win (deservedly so.)

Best Supporting Actor

Christoph Waltz, Django Unchained
Philip Seymour Hoffman, The Master
Robert De Niro, Silver Linings Playbook
Alan Arkin, Argo
Tommy Lee Jones, Lincoln

What deserves to win: You know who deserves to win? Leonardo DiCaprio. Yes, Christoph Waltz was great. And yes, he deserved a nomination. But DiCaprio deserved it more and was better. Why doesn't the Academy stop fanticizing about how much they wanna bone SLP and give the nom to the person that deserves the win. Jesus, I think I'm starting to see a recurring theme here...

What will win: How many times am I going to say this? Lincoln will take it, but SLP could upset. Just like Best Picture and Best Director, I think that Tommy Lee Jones is going to win, but seeing as how SLP was nominated in everything for no good reason, it could upset. This is one of the few categories this year that is really a coin toss, though. I think any of these five could pull off an "upset," even though I don't think it's an upset when there is no front-runner. But, whatever. Jones wins, that's my "educated guess."

Best Supporting Actress

Sally Field, Lincoln
Anne Hathaway, Les Miserables
Jacki Weaver, Silver Linings Playbook
Helen Hunt, The Sessions
Amy Adams, The Master

What deserves to win: I'm glad I can finally talk about a category that will go exactly as it should. Anne Hathaway will definitely win her first Oscar this Sunday. I have no doubt in my mind. I really thought she had a chance to win back in 2009 for Rachel Getting Married, but, as Ricky Gervais said, Holocaust movies always get the awards. Now she has done her own depressing movie, and will get an award for that. Suck on that, Kate Winslet.

Best Original Screenplay

Amour
Django Unchained
Flight
Moonrise Kingdom
Zero Dark Thirty

What deserves to win: Django Unchained. There are no words to express my infatuation with that script. I think this is one of Tarantino's best scripts, and is only inferior to his last script for Inglourious Basterds. Which...lost...to...Mark Boal. Oh fuck.

What will win: Once again, Tarantino is going to lose out to Mark Boal. This is horseshit. Alright, so he lost once, maybe that was a fluke. BUT AGAIN?! You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Yes, Zero Dark Thirty was well written and made a complicated plot seem really easy to follow. But for fuck's sake, give Tarantino something. Or even Wes Anderson. Moonrise Kingdom deserves it more than ZDT. Ugh.

Best Adapted Screenplay

Argo
Beasts of the Southern Wild
Life of Pi
Lincoln
Silver Linings Playbook

What deserves to win: Argo. I'm tired of talking about how phenomenal this script/movie is. So just hear me when I say: it deserves to win.

What will win: Probably Lincoln or SLP. But this is one of the few categories that is genuinely hard to predict. I actually think Argo has a great chance to win, but will probably be beat out by Lincoln.

Best Original Score

Anna Karenina
Argo
Life of Pi
Lincoln
Skyfall

What deserves to win: This is one of my favorite categories every year, because I get to listen to a bunch of awesome scores and decide which one I love the best. While I am seriously disappointed that Howard Shore didn't get a nod for The Hobbit and Hans Zimmer was ignored (again) for his beautiful Dark Knight Rises score, I did love all of the nominated scores (except for maybe Life of Pi, which was just alright...) So after listening to all of these scores a few dozen times each, I have come to the conclusion that...

What will win: ...these scores are phenomenal and it's impossible to predict. I think Anna Karenina was my personal favorite, but I doubt that it will win (sorry Dario Marianelli.) I actually think this one comes down to Argo and Lincoln (even though I think Skyfall is better.) Even though John Williams has a slew of nominations (and a couple of wins) I don't think this is his year. Alexandre Desplat really nailed it with his score for Argo by capturing the differences better Iran and US (you can really tell where each track comes from when listening to the score.) Bravo, Mr. Desplat. Fun fact: he also scored two other best picture nominees this year, Moonrise Kingdom and Zero Dark Thirty. 

Best Cinematography

Anna Karenina
Django Unchained
Life of Pi
Lincoln
Skyfall

What deserves to win: HOW HAS ROGER DEAKINS NEVER WON AN OSCAR?! Someone needs to fix this ASAP. If he doesn't win, I'm probably gonna start Hulking it and just murder all of the younglings. Oh, dude, I finally get what happened in Episode III.

What will win: Even though Deakins totally deserves the win for Skyfall (and Fargo for that matter,) he is probably going to be beat out by Claudio Miranda for Life of Pi (which is horseshit.) Yes, Life of Pi had great visuals, but they don't hold a candle to Skyfall. I think what Miranda did was great, but much easier than what Deakins had to do. And he did it better. Fuck this, I give up. Life isn't worth living if Deakins doesn't have an Oscar.

Best Makeup

Hitchcock
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey
Les Miserables

What deserves to win: One word: dwarves. Fuck you, I'm done.

What will win: Les Miserables. Because the Academy sucks and doesn't know shit. Grrrrrrrrrrr.

Best Costume Design

Anna Karenina
Les Miserables
Lincoln
Mirror Mirror
Snow White and the Huntsman

What deserves to win: Anna Karenina. The costumes in this film are absolutely dazzling. Every scene offers a new and mesmerizing costume to admire. I freaking loved this movie, and the costumes were a big reason why.

What will win: From what I hear, Mirror Mirror has a great chance to steal this one. I didn't see the movie, but I heard it had unreal dresses that really floored a lot of people. But since I didn't see the movie, I'm gonna guy that Lincoln will take this one. Why? FUCKING BECAUSE.

Best Animated Feature

Brave
Frankenweenie
ParaNorman
The Pirates! Band of Misfits
Wreck-It Ralph

What deserves to win: The best movie here is hands down Wreck-It Ralph.

What will win: With a few disappointments in the bunch, like Brave and Frankenweenie, I would really love to see ParaNorman step up and steal this one, but I don't think that it has the gusto to do so. I think this one is, sadly, going to Brave. Anything is better than Frankenweenie taking the cake. Fuck that movie. And fuck Tim Burton for that matter. And while I'm at it, fuck Oprah. Yea, I said it.

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You can probably tell that I got tired of typing somewhere towards the end there, because my paragraphs became just one sentence. Sorry about that. And sorry I said fuck so many times (but I'm not sorry to you, Tim Burton. Fuck you.) And there you have it, my 85th Academy Awards Predictions (for all of the categories I actually care about.) I hope you enjoyed listening to me rant for a little bit, and I hope you all tune in to see that I am horribly wrong about every single category. Wouldn't you just love that? Yea, me too. See you at the aftermath...peace. But not literally...

Rant of the Week: Star Wars and JJ Abrams

Since the new Star Wars trilogy has been in the news for the past few weeks, I thought it was only right that I address it in some way. So I decided that it would be my rant this week.

Let me start by saying: Episodes VII, VIII, and XI were absolutely inevitable. Anyone who thinks they were never going to happen is insane. Lucas said a long time ago that he was going to do a trilogy that takes place after Return of the Jedi, and here we are. Just because he isn't involved doesn't make it any less happening. So...suck it.

That being said, let me talk about just how I feel about it. I'm hesitant to say I'm excited about this, but I can't say I'm upset. I absolutely love the Star Wars franchise, even the prequels. Don't get me wrong, the prequels are not good movies, but they are great Star Wars movies and have some great character development of characters we already loved. And even though they aren't as good as the original trilogy, they are much better than some movies that I've seen. They are good enough to watch again, so they can't be that bad.

A lot of people are speculating about what this movie could be about and what story they are going to adapt. But they have since said that this is going to be an original story. So, let's all stop speculating. We will see some of the characters that we love, because they know we want to. We all know that Harrison Ford has already signed on for Episode VII (yes, Han signed first.) And we are all excited to see Ford back as our favorite space smuggler, but I highly doubt he will be one of the main characters. This isn't going to be able Luke going to the Dark Side, and it probably won't be about Jacen Solo going to the Dark side, either (though I wouldn't be surprised if Jacen and Jaina make an appearance.) This is going to be a completely original story with some familiar characters involved.

A lot of the guys at work think that the worst part of this idea is having JJ Abrams at the helm. To them I say:  ha! JJ Abrams is the perfect person the bring life back into this franchise. Remember back in 2009, when he made Star Trek cool again? Or back in 2006, when he saved the Mission Impossible franchise after the abysmal John Woo film? This man was born to revive movie franchises. And with him directing, a lot of people are speculating that Michael Giacchino will be scoring the film. While I do love Giacchino, and I would love to see what he could do with William's themes and elaborating on them...I'm hesitant to say I'd be excited about that. I mean, it's not like Williams is dead or anything. He has scored all six of the previous films, what makes you think he won't come back? I think he deserves to be offered the chance, and if he declines, then Giacchino can come in and knock it out of the park, like he usually does.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say with all this is that I am cautiously optimistic. I will be able to say a lot more when I know what characters from the extended universe will be in the movie and who will be cast, but for now I'm just happy that I will see more Star Wars films in my lifetime. What do you think? Think they should stick to arc that have already been written? Think Abrams is a bad choice? I'm interested to see if I'm in the minority (like I am at work) or the majority.

Gangster Squad Review

I'm kind of a sucker for period pieces, I always find it really interesting how different directors try and capture the feeling of a different time. This movie sounded like a great premise when I heard about it a while back (probably like 2011), I thought it would be a lot like L.A. Confidential, but with a true story twist to it. Then I saw the trailer and was slightly less excited, but still pumped. I mean, it has a great cast in Gosling, Stone, Brolin, Penn and Nolte, and a great concept. How could it go wrong? Sadly, they found a way.

I think one of the biggest problems with this movie lies in it's script. This is Will Beall's first feature film script, after working on the TV show Castle for two years. I absolutely love Castle, especially some of Beall's episodes, so I saw promise there. I'm sorry to report that Beall's script was a pile of flaming dog shit. None of the dialogue was believable, and none of the characters were developed, not to mention there were no clear character motivations (save for one or two of them.) And the story was so disjointed at times that I wanted to punch the screen. The real sad part was that these amazing actors were brought in for this film and did a great job with what they were given, but had no where to go with it. None of these characters developed over the excruciating 113 min run time. I really think Beall needs to stick to writing television shows and leave the screenwriting to the professionals.

While the script was abysmal, nothing else in the film was "gouge your eyes out" terrible. The direction was nothing special, but it did shine during some of the action scenes (especially the car chase.) The score seemed contrived and almost over did the period piece music. I would like to have seen a more competent composer at the helm, instead of the guy who is only known for Transformers (which isn't bad, just not impressive.) He really dropped the ball here, where he could have really shined.

The real saving grace of this film is the acting (but not all of it.) Even though the dialogue is stale and the characters are underdeveloped, I thought that several of the actors did a great job. I should probably preface this next statement by saying: I really don't care for Sean Penn. I thought he was really good in Mystic River and Milk, but that's about it. That being said, I thought he was fucking awesome in this movie. I fully expected him to be the worst part of this movie, overacting as he usually does, but I was wrong. He really blew me away. Giovanni Ribisi was also great (though he didn't get nearly enough screen time.) His character was definitely my favorite, but was severely underused. 

Now I guess I should cover the bad acting. I was really disappointed with Emma Stone in this movie. I love her in almost everything, but she really fell flat in this film. Every time she came on screen, I just wanted that scene to end as soon as possible. And her chemistry with Ryan Gosling in this movie was no where to be found. What happened to Crazy, Stupid, Love? I loved them together in that movie, and then they did this. So disappointing. And Josh Brolin really let me down. He was just kind of...there. Not bad, not good. 

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I'm not sure how to sum this movie up without making it sound like the worst movie ever made. So...yea. Don't see this movie. It's not even worth it for the copious number of action scenes. If it is worth it for anything, it's Sean Penn's performance. But I definitely wouldn't waste my money.

Writing: 1/10

Directing: 5/10

Acting: 6.5/10

Pacing: 5/10

Rewatchability: 0/10

Score: 3.5/10

Warm Bodies Review

If you know me, you know I have an abnormal obsession with zombies. If you knew me in high school, you probably remember me writing a resolution for the Model UN about educating people about zombies and the coming apocalypse. I got the idea from reading Max Brooks’ Zombie Survival Guide, and went on to read some amazing books like World War Z and Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. And some of my favorite movies are zombie related, like Shaun of the Dead, Dead Alive, and Night of the Living Dead.And there are other great zombie films like Zombieland, 28 Days Later, and Dawn of the Dead. And that’s not even all of them. Needless to say, anything related to zombies usually grabs my attention, especially when it isn’t like everything else. That is exactly what Warm Bodies is.

The best way to describe Warm Bodies is to say that it is a romantic-comedy...with zombies. I really hesitate to call it a rom-com, though...because it is much more than that. It is a great twist on the romantic comedy genre, and even the zombie sub-genre. If you don’t know what it’s about, it follows the story of R (Nicholas Hoult) and his life as a zombie. He meets this girl, Julie (Teresa Palmer), and decides to save her and starts to fall for her. It is a really cute story that gives in to a few of the rom-com tropes, but takes them in a different direction.

I really enjoyed the script for this film. This is Writer/Director Jonathan Levine’s second major film, with the first being 50/50. While he didn’t write 50/50, both films definitely have a similar feel from the visuals and the dialogue. They both play on a dark comedy-esque feel. I really thought the script was well done, even though some of the dialogue did feel slightly corny. I’m still not sure if the corniness was intentional, as a way to mock the usual tropes that you see, or if it was written that way to attract more of the tween crowd. I’m going to pretend like it was intentional though, so that I can say that I loved the way it pretty much pulled a Cabin in the Woods and said “let’s just make fun of what we’re doing.” That being said, I felt like the script was pretty strong, nothing super special, but really good for something like this. Very enjoyable.

Since Levine took on both writing and directing for this film, I get to talk about him some more now! I really liked Levine’s style in 50/50 and thought that he added some to the film, but didn’t really wow me with any of the film. This film wasn’t much different. Yes, there were a few shots that were well done, and some of the blocking was great, but I think for the most part, the direction was just...okay. I really would like to see him do more with his talents, I see a lot of potential in his, especially when it comes to filming a conversation between zombies. That shit is great.

 This movie didn’t really require great acting all around, since the script was strong enough on its own. But I did think that it delivered more than I expected in that area. If I had to say that anyone stood out in this film, it would definitely be Nicholas Hoult. I had never really been impressed with any of his prior work (though A Single Man was pretty damn good), so I wasn’t expecting much from him here. So I was really surprised when he did such a great job. It is really hard to act as a zombie and actually make me feel for you, because, well...you’re a fucking zombie. You aren’t supposed to show a lot of emotion and I’m not supposed to feel for you. But Hoult did really well with the progression of the character and going from a dead husk and progressing into a real character that we are rooting for. His counterpart, Teresa Palmer, also did really well, but I kind of expected that from her. I’ve always liked her, and I think I’ve actually seen every movie she’s been in (I think 2:37 is my favorite.) Even when she is in shitty movies like I Am Number Four (oh god, why does that movie exist?!) she still delivers a strong performance. I thought that she came through, as always, in this movie. I really want to see her tackle something more substantial next and deliver that Oscar-worthy performance that I know she has in her. The way I like to describe her to people: She’s Kristen Stewart 2.0. Same face, but can actually act.

I thought one of the big strengths of this film was the soundtrack. Maybe it’s just because they played some Bob Dylan, but I don’t care. I really thought the soundtrack was really well put together and suited the style of the film really well. I didn’t know most of the songs (eh, some is probably more accurate) but I really enjoyed the way they used the songs, especially during montages. I think my favorite part was when the song Pretty Woman was used. Pure gold.

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This is a pretty solid film. It is a great concept (based off a book, I should add) that really translates well to the screen. The acting was great, the script was solid, and the direction was strong enough to not fail. I’ve heard a lot of people complain that this is a straight Romeo and Juliet ripoff, and while I do see the parallels and won’t even try to deny it, I don’t think that’s a bad thing. It takes that usual story that we have all seen before and twists it to be new, different, and fun.

Writing: 8/10

Directing: 6.5/10

Acting: 7.5/10

Pacing: 7/10

Rewatchability: 9/10

Score: 7.6/10

Rant of the Week: Repeat Casting

So,  I kind of like the idea of writing just an post about movies once a week where I get to rant about a certain aspect of films,  something that is a conversation piece so that I can kind of get other people's opinions and try to start a dialogue with my readers (if there are any.) So,  this week I thought I would talk about repeat casting.

For those of you who live under a rock,  it has been a common thread in the film industry that certain directors like to work with certain actors whenever they can. The prime example is Tim Burton with Johnny Depp, but that is definitely not the only  example. Now,  to me this isn't a conversation about if repeat casting is right or wrong, this is about how it can work and how it can go horribly wrong. 

The key problem with repeat casting is that it often comes from directors with a certain style that are looking for actors to give repeat performances. The obvious example of this is Burton/Depp. Even more than that, pretty much anyone that is recast in a Burton film is there to play the exact same role they played the first go around. Helena Bonham Carter and Johnny Depp are the best examples, but there are a few others. The problem here is actually the director, not the actors. I mean, Depp has had some great performances outside of Burton films (like Blow and  Public Enemies), so we know it isn't his fault. It is the fault of Burton who just won't stray from his fantastical, ridiculous style that worked for his first few films (Beetlejuice, Edward Scissorhands, and Ed Wood) but just isn't original anymore. I really wish Depp would choose to not pair with Burton so that he can actually showcase his acting talent. But as long as he is making the big bucks in these movies, he will never stop. Such a waste.

I think that the key to successful repeat casting from having a versatile director pairing with versatile actors. There are many directors who recast the same few actors in all (or most) of their films and make it work splendidly. I find it absolutely ridiculous when people mock Christopher Nolan for recasting actors like Christian Bale, Michael Caine, Tom Hardy, etc. when he actually uses them in very different roles in completely different films. Yes, Nolan has a style that he carries across most of his films, but I don't think that "gritty" is a set in stone style. He really covers the spectrum of the gritty genre. When he goes from using Christian Bale as Batman (Batman Begins) to using Christian Bale as Alfred Borden (The Prestige) he uses him because he is a versatile actor that can take on a completely different role, not because he wants him to copy his performance from the previous film. That is absolutely key, and you see it from tons of great directors of the time. Just search around a little and you'll see it: Scorsese/DiCaprio, Scott/Crowe, Scorsese/De Niro, Scott/Washington, McQueen/Fassbender...the list goes on. There are so many successful stories and you see a clear pattern here: great directors can use the same actors over and over again with stunning results.

I really should have come up with more examples of repeat casting not working instead of just shitting on Burton/Depp/Bonham Carter, but I don't care. If you can think of more examples that don't work, go ahead and tell me, or examples that do work (like Wes Anderson/ANYONE.) 

I really want to start a discussion, because I love to have a dialogue with people about movies so pretty please comment or share with friends! And if you made it to the end: THANKS FOR READING AND SUPPORTING MY OBSESSION!

The Master Review

Back in 2007, if you had asked me who Paul Thomas Anderson was, I would have assumed you meant the piece of shit who made the Resident Evil movies. I intentionally don’t call them films because they are fucking awful. But that was before I saw There Will Be Blood and fell in love with PTA’s style. I was absolutely mesmerized by absolutely everything about this film, so I went out and saw all of his movies: Magnolia, Punch Drunk Love, and Boogie Nights. While Boogie Nights isn’t my favorite film, the other two really fit in with the same style I saw in There Will Be Blood. Needless to say, I was really excited for The Master. 

The Master follows the story of Freddie Sutton (Joaquin Phoenix), a returning Naval veteran who becomes fascinated when he comes across The Cause and it’s alluring leader, Lancaster Dodd (Philip Seymour Hoffman.) I don’t think I want to say much more about the plot than that, as I feel it would ruin the movie. I really think this film hinges on getting to know the characters and not so much on the events that transpire. 

Let me just lay my cards out on the table right now: I fucking love PTA. In my eyes, he can do no wrong. So, when I say that he fucking nailed it with The Master, understand that I would say that about his last 3 films as well. I think this film is just steeped in PTA-ness. It has that feel that all of his films have had, and will (hopefully) continue to have. All of the colors are so vivid and the expansiveness of the film translates so well to film. He chooses his shots so carefully and it is so obvious in the finished product. I don’t even know where to begin with describing all of the beauty in this film, so I’ll just pick a few scenes that jumped out at me. One of the most beautiful shots in the film is the tracking shot where we watch Freddie running through a cabbage(?) farm. That scene is just fucking gorgeous. And so is the scene where Freddie and Lancaster are riding the motorcycle. But the scene that blew me away was the first time that Lancaster is processing Freddie. There are no words to describe how phenomenal that scene is, from every aspect. The acting is spot on, the scoring is excellent and, most of all, the direction is perfect. 

Since PTA writes all of the movies he directs, they also have very similar scripts. They are all scripts that are very heavily weighted in character development. These are what I, and most other people, would call character pieces. These aren’t your usual blockbuster/action-y scripts where 30% is just descriptions of battle scenes. The lynchpin of every scene is the dialogue. Every sentence is important to understand one of the characters, whether it be backstory or character motivation: it’s all important. I loved this script, it was really well written and had some exquisitely written lines that had me floored. While the film did drag at times, I still think it was an excellent script (though I do think some of the pacing problems came from editing, rather than the script.) 

The real shining light of this film, just like all the other PTA films, is the acting. All of his films contain such visceral characters, but they can only reach their full potential if they have capable actors to portray them. Every single member of this ensemble brought their A game, but no one was better than Joaquin Phoenix. If this man didn’t despise award shows and the politic behind them, I guarantee you he would win everything for this film. And Philip Seymour Hoffman was just as good. Both of these characters contrasted each other in such a beautiful way. I loved watching the scene of them both in jail cells and seeing the clear differences between how they reacted to the situation. 

The last thing I want to talk about, and probably the best thing about this film, is the score. Radiohead’s Johnny Greenwood delivers another breathtaking score, akin to that of 2007’s There Will Be Blood score. If I had to liken this score to anything else in the last few years, I would say it reminds me a lot of what Atticus Ross and Trent Reznor did with The Social Network. I was really disappointed when Greenwood was disqualified from Oscar consideration in 2007, but I think I’m even more upset that this year he was eligible and didn’t even get a nom! Blasphemy. But you’ll hear more about that when I give my Oscar predictions soon.
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If you couldn’t tell already, I loved this movie. I’m not sure if it is my favorite PTA film (though I do think it is visually his best), but it is definitely one of his best. It is definitely worth it just to see Joaquin Phoenix give his best performance ever (or at least as good as Walk the Line and Gladiator) and to hear Johnny Greenwood’s beautiful score. I wouldn’t suggest this film to people who have short attention spans (I’m looking at you Jen) or people who rely on plot development (cough Bonni cough) to enjoy a film. This is definitely a character piece, and you should know that before you take the plunge.

Writing: 8.5/10

Directing: 9.5/10

Acting: 10/10

Pacing: 7/10

Rewatchability: 6/10

Score: 8.2/10