Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters Review

January is notoriously known for yielding a lot of crap. Any movie fan knows that this phenomenon comes because of the end of Awards season. So, when I think I might want to see a movie coming out this early in the year, I approach that film with extreme caution. You might remember (if you actually read all my posts) that I've already had mixed luck with early 2013 releases, with Warm Bodies surprising me, A Good Day to Die Hard being awful, and Gangster Squad for severely underdelivering. With such a poor record, I expected this film to be just as terrible as it looked...if not worse. Weirdly enough, it was better than I ever imagined.

This movie takes the classic tale of Hansel and Gretel and puts a little twist on it. The fairy tale plays out very similarly to what we all know, but after they kill the witch...they become witch hunters. In this reality, they have been abandoned by their parents, so they are orphans with no where to go. They travel from town to town as bounty hunters. They save missing children from evil witches and get paid for it. That sounds like a great occupation, but I'm getting off topic. While this film doesn't have a phenomenal script, the dialogue is pretty bearably, and the story is actually very unique. Normally, I would complain about a rehash of something we already know, but the writer/director, Tommy Wirkola, put an interesting twist on the story to make it fun.

If I had to describe this film to someone in very few words, I would probably describe it as "campy Hansel and Gretel for adults." The camp comes mostly from the dialogue (especially what is said right before a huge action scene.) The "for adults" part is mainly due to the extreme language and ultra violence. I think that also kind of adds to the camp, because you are expecting this serious adaptation of a fairy tale, but you get a foul-mouthed, action-packed version instead. I can't believe how much I enjoyed the action. It was so over the top violent that it was awesome

I hope you notice that I'm not saying this movie is good so much as I'm saying it's better than expected. I still have a lot of problems with this movie. Clocking in at about 80 minutes, I feel like there is a lot of stuff that isn't explained. You are just presented with something and you go "ummm...what?" then just pretend it all makes sense. The direction in this film was kind of shoddy, and had a few of the "THIS MOVIE IS IN 3D" shots that always annoy me.

At first, I thought the acting in this movie was going to be atrocious. The first few lines of dialogue to come out of Jermey Renner's mouth were just so wooden and boring. I don't think I would have been able to deal with that for 80 minutes, but luckily it all got better. Don't get me wrong, these are no Oscar-winning performances, but they aren't bad at all. In this case, mediocrity prevails.

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I can honestly say that I was absolutely surprised by how much I liked this movie. I still can't say for sure if I liked it, but I definitely enjoyed it more than I ever would have imagined. The script was spotty, and the direction was lackluster, but it made up for that with decent acting and great action scenes. I wouldn't suggest rushing out to see this in theaters, but it's definitely worth a watch when it, inevitably, ends up on Netflix.

Writing: 5/10

Directing: 4/10

Acting: 5/10

Pacing: 7/10

Rewatchability: 4/10

Score: 5.0/10

A Good Day to Die Hard Review

Let me just preface this whole article by saying: I really enjoyed Live Free or Die Hard. I thought it was a great installment in the Die Hard franchise and was really fun. It wasn't as good as Die Hard, I mean, what is? But it was pretty close to the quality of Die Hard with a Vengeance. I even enjoyed Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. No, it wasn't a great movie, but it held true to the feel of the other two quality Indiana Jones films (I say two because Temple of Doom sucks.) Feel free to hate me for those two things if you want, but I hope you'll still read this review, or not...whatever you want.

When they announced they were making another Die Hard film, I was honestly kind of excited. I knew nothing about the plot or where it would go, but I knew that John McClane would get himself into some crazy shenanigans, as always. I knew he would say his class line, and I knew it would be badass. Sadly, I was completely wrong. 

This movie felt nothing like anything that defines the previous Die Hard films. I say that because, while the other four films feel different (except maybe 1 and 2, which have a similar feel/concept...but one of them failed) they carry a very similar theme throughout. The first three films showed that, while John McClane is completely badass, he is still human. They showed that he can do crazy shit, but he still gets hurt (usually physically, but also emotionally.) The fourth film started to stray a little from that, but kept close enough that I really didn't mind. It had a slightly ridiculous quality to it, but was still quite enjoyable. This movie was just John McClane being invincible. Nothing could stop this man. Man? I guess in this movie he felt more like a God.

Another thing that really distances this film from the previous set is the lack of a great main villain. Die Hard had Alan Rickman (HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANSSSSSS!), Die Hard with a Vengeance had Jeremy Irons, and Live Free or Die Hard had Timothy Olyphant. These movies all had really strong antagonists that Bruce Willis got to quip with and it just felt right. This movie just has a slew of nameless Russians that just suck. I think one of them is called "the Dancing man" or some shit. And there is some hot Russian lady. But really, they are all completely forgettable. 

This film had almost no story to it. I know you aren't supposed to complain about the story in an action movie (see The Expendables if you don't believe me), but I think a huge strength of this franchise has been the great story and dialogue. This movie didn't contain either. At a measly 90 minutes, this film was surely 75 minutes of pure action. I had absolutely no idea of any character motivation, or really any time to get to know the new protagonist. This movie was just a bunch of cheesy action scenes where John McClane and son run around with guns and defy certain death. Even McClane's signature line didn't feel right. I'm not surprised, seeing as how this script was written by the same guy that did X-Men Origins: Wolverine and Hitman. Chalk up another dud to Skip Woods. 

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This movie was absolutely horrendous and is a tarnish on the Die Hard franchise. All of the other films were really good action movies and paved the way for some of the more recent action franchises. This movie should never have seen the light of day, not with this awful script, shoddy direction, and campy acting. 

Writing: 1/10

Directing: 3/10

Acting: 4/10

Pacing: 7/10

Rewatchability: 3/10

Score: 3.7/10

Blog Ideas

So, I've been doing this blog for about two months now and I've been thinking of doing a few recurring blog posts similar to my "Rant of the Week." I have a few ideas in mind, which I'll talk about below, but I would also love some input from a reader's standpoint. If you have any ideas, feel free to comment or email me. I really don't want this site to just be able my infrequent movie reviews, if I can just write articles every now and that, it would make for a great chance of pace. So...here's what I've got so far.

My first idea came up because of my recently second viewing of Ocean's Twelve. I had a general disdain for this movie ever since I saw it back in 2004, but when I watched it this time around, I found that I actually enjoyed it. I'm not sure if the movie just aged well, or if my view of movies has just been altered from my more recently passion for cinema. Whatever it was, I feel like there are a lot of movies out there that I didn't enjoy the first time...but could enjoy now. So my idea is to do a "Second Chance" article now and again. This will pretty much be me rewatching movies that I didn't like the first time to see if my opinion changes. Then I'll write a little article about whether it changed or not, and why I think so. I think it could be kind of cool. A couple of ideas I already have for this one are: Donnie Darko, Boondock Saints, and Empire Records.

Another idea is to do an article in collaboration with someone. It wouldn't be the same person every time, but it would always be two people. The idea behind the article is for me to either a) watch a movie I've never seen before with someone who really loves the movie or b) watch a movie I love that they have never seen, then discuss. The article would pretty much be a back and forth conversation about the movie in question. I think it would be really cool because it would pretty much give a second opinion about the movie (since I know you all don't always agree with me.)

The third, and final, idea that I had was pretty much just a "Second Opinion" article. I would bring in someone else to write a recurring post pretty much disagreeing with something I've already reviewed. I think it's always good to get different standpoints on a single movie and see why different people enjoy different films. And if anyone would be interested in doing this, I would love the help. I almost treat my blog like my own little website, so I don't mind giving people permissions to help out on here.

So, that's about all I have ideas for, but if you have any ideas, or would be interested in helping out with future posts, feel free to comment or message me.